7 Friendship Turnoffs That Push People Away (and How to Stop)
Let’s talk friendship icks.
You know… those moments that make you go “Ugh, why are they like this?”
There are obvious red flags. But then there are the subtle turnoffs that slowly kill connection, and what’s worse is when we’re the ones doing them without realizing it.
I’ve done a lot of self-reflection lately (and let’s be honest, a lot of learning the hard way), so today we’re breaking down the 7 biggest friendship turnoffs—and how to stop doing them starting now.
Let’s go.
1. Lack of Reliability
This one’s simple: if people can’t count on you, they’ll stop trying.
Being late all the time, canceling plans last minute, or ghosting when someone actually needs you—those are signals that say “you’re not a priority.”
Sometimes life happens. But when inconsistency becomes your personality? Big turnoff.
I used to be known as the friend who was always late. And I didn’t realize how much that communicated, “You don’t matter enough for me to plan better.”
2. Not Asking Questions
If a friendship feels one-sided… it probably is.
Good friends are curious about each other. They ask follow-up questions. They go deeper. They make space.
If you’re always waiting to be asked about yourself, but never offering curiosity in return, that’s a huge friendship block.
Let’s be the friends who ask and listen. Not just waiting to talk.
3. Poor Listening (or Zero Interest)
Not listening is bad. But not caring? Even worse.
When someone shares something that matters to them and you brush it off—or worse, redirect the convo back to yourself—it tells them you don’t value them.
You don’t have to be obsessed with their niche interests. But showing interest in what matters to them? That’s basic friendship etiquette.
4. Not Showing Support
Especially after someone asks for support.
This one’s tricky because we assume people should just know what we need. But that’s not fair. People can’t read your mind.
That said, when someone does tell you what would be meaningful, and you still choose not to show up?
That’s how friendships erode.
Support isn’t about grand gestures. It’s about prioritizing what matters to someone else.
5. Unequal Treatment
Watch how people treat the waiter.
Watch how they treat someone with no “status.”
Watch how they treat someone who can’t do anything for them.
Because if someone shows kindness to you but rudeness to others? That’s not a good friend. That’s someone performing.
And trust me, that behavior will show up in your direction eventually.
6. Clinginess (Too Fast, Too Soon)
Needing people isn’t bad. But when someone rushes in too hard, too fast—it’s overwhelming.
If you meet someone once and they text you five times in two days trying to make plans, it can feel suffocating.
Healthy friendships are built on mutual desire—not desperation.
Let the friendship breathe. Real connection grows best in space and consistency, not pressure.
7. Not Caring About Your Well-Being
The friend who can’t respect your boundaries?
The one who guilt-trips you when you need rest?
The one who makes their needs your job?
🚩 Red flag.
A good friend wants you to be your best self. They don’t drain you dry to meet their own needs.
The Truth? I’ve Been Guilty of Almost All of These
Seriously.
I used to be the clingy one. The always-late one. The support-dropper.
And the friend who expected things without communicating them clearly.
But friendship is a mirror.
When we see things we don’t like, we can choose to grow.
So whether you recognize these turnoffs in someone else or in yourself, let this be your invitation to do better.
📺 Also, Watch the Full Breakdown
This blog is based on my full episode of Accidentally Intentional where I go deeper on each of these and share stories from my own journey.
Zoe Asher is a friendship and connection coach, corporate speaker, and host of the Accidentally Intentional podcast. Through practical tools and real talk, she helps people go from feeling disconnected to building friendships that actually last. Her mission is simple: destroy loneliness and teach the skill of meaningful connection — whether that’s in everyday life or in the workplace.
🗣 Want Zoe to speak at your event or work with your team? Click here to learn more.
🎙 Or keep hanging out with her on the Accidentally Intentional podcast & YouTube show.